A few days ago I published on my Facebook wall a post about how \”the strong woman\” puts up with everything and nobody thinks about her and her needs (In a nutshell). And I put that it is necessary to set limits as a comment. (The original text is there at the end of everything). Because of the sort of answers I received, I felt the need to elaborate.
And I feel the need to elaborate because the text is pretty wrong from my point of view.
I think it\’s not defining a strong woman. I think it\’s defining a person who somehow, for whatever reason, doesn\’t set boundaries. And much worse, she thinks that actually not putting limits is the definition of goodness, strength, responsibility, and all the like.
Somehow, we humans buy into the idea that suffering for others is super meritorious. And that this heroism deserves recognition. And that this heroism is leading us to Love.
Hmmm … no.
Let\’s start by looking at a small detail: Heroes, by definition, are dead.
And let\’s finish by saying that those who do not set limits are extremely angry and do not dare to express it.
So I am to rewrite here, each and every sentence of what was written. And I can\’t help thinking that the name is made up).
(And, although I think this applies to men, women, dogs, cats, and parrots, I\’m going to stick with the \”strong woman\” thing because we women buy into that little speech with embarrassing frequency).
A strong woman:
The strong woman has needs and desires and surrounds herself with people with whom she can express them. She knows that she can talk, take care of herself and ask for help if needed. And she knows how to pamper herself.
The strong woman knows how to help without having to be heroically crucified for it. She knows how to set limits and say no without feeling guilty. And she may look for someone to talk to and listen to her. She has no problem, in any case, with paying for therapy, if necessary.
The strong woman, if she is tired, knows how to say \”I\’m tired, I\’ve come this far\”. She knows how to look for help if she is falling, and to ask for it, if necessary. And she knows that she can fight, even with the guilt of not feeling \”strong\”.
The strong woman knows how to forgive herself. She knows she can lose her temper from time to time, she knows she can leave control in the hands of others and enjoy the scenery.
And hey! She knows that what others think is their problem and not hers.
The strong woman doesn\’t need to be recognized permanently. She knows that love and recognition are two different things and can tell the difference between one and the other. She may even prefer a low profile.
The strong woman knows for sure that she matters to a lot of people. She knows that she doesn\’t need to do anything to be loved because Love – if it is Love – doesn\’t set conditions. Period.
And she doesn\’t keep telling herself that nobody cares! That\’s what someone who plays the victim does. Not a strong person.
The strong woman knows, in brief, how to contain, honor, respect, and pamper herself. And she sent the title \”strong woman\” down the drain a long time ago.
When they see you a strong woman they think that you have no need of anything or anyone, that you can endure anything, that whatever happens, you will get through it, that you don\’t mind being listened to, cared for, or pampered.
When they see you as a strong woman they look to you just to help them carry their crosses. They talk to you thinking that you don\’t need to be listened to.
A strong woman is not asked if she is tired, if she is suffering or falling, if she is anxious or afraid, the important thing is that she is always there: a lighthouse in the fog or a rock in the middle of the sea.
Nothing is forgiven to the strong woman. If she loses control she becomes weak, if she loses her temper she becomes hysterical.
When the strong woman is missing for a minute it is immediately noticed, but when she is there her presence is taken for granted.
But the strength it takes every day, to be that kind of woman, no one cares.
Honor, recognize, respect, and thank the strong women in your life, because they also need to be contained, loved and feel that they can rest in you.
Text: Jallalla Ubuntu
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)