Creative Retreats… what will I intent to teach? (And therefore learn)

Creativity Retreats Retiros de Creatividad

This morning, I was reflecting on what I am truly teaching these people and the universe about creativity. I think that creativity is made from attention to the present moment and not judging anything you do; not judging allows for Real Communication to happen. It allows for Silence to teach Its message.

Creativity Retreats Retiros de Creatividad

There are no words, patterns, colors, or shapes involved, as they mean nothing—just images. Yet Communication is everything. Honest creativity coming from real silence will guide you, inspire you, and make you smile. It is an eternal space of freedom.

Creativity is the ultimate freedom, a place where you can endlessly play and have fun. And that is about it.

Olga has nothing to add.

Creativity Retreats Retiros de Creatividad

Allow yourself to elevate to a state devoid of personal purpose or direction, avoiding interference from the past and the mind chatter; hear the music, listen to the book, the rain, or the cars going by. Allow the endless process of surrendering to whatever emerges. Just focus your mind somewhere else. And let it happen.

Creativity Retreats Retiros de Creatividad

Follow a trail, listen to the music, a guitar tune, a singing voice, and get into complex compositions to take your mind over.  Allow painting to flow deeply into the paper; surrender to the colors, play with them. Take all solemnity out of it. You are not the painter; you are just a tool to be used by Life to teach endlessly about Beauty and Freedom. Let it Be. It is Love.

Then, should I say that I am here to teach people to go back to being children? It is incredibly presumptuous, isn’t it?

No, that is not it.

They are not going back; they are beginning a way to see Life for the first time at every glimpse. Be in the present moment not to miss the breathtaking show of here and now. The sounding guitar, the texture of rusted metal, the miracle of color wherever it is found. Here and Now. And let the body act as it does. Surrender. No judgment, no interpretation: Let it Be.

Open up to a different view coming out of your hands and perceptions. You are in your mind, and when you surrender, Life shows itself in an astounding celebration of joy.

Everything loves you.

Costa Rica Holidays and Festivities

Costa Rica Holidays

Costa Rica holidays are a vibrant reflection of its rich culture, history, and the pura vida spirit that defines the nation. Each celebration, from New Year’s Day to Christmas, offers unique insights into the traditions and values of the Costa Rican people.

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Painting Workshop in San José

Family Art Workshops in Costa Rica

The experience of painting, like any other, can be a manifestation of joy, freedom and creativity, or a journey into the hell of insecurity, stress and pressure for continuous improvement. It will always be a choice.

One of the rules, perhaps the most striking of my workshops is that in principle, I ask not to imitate anything. Just paint, whatever comes out, however it comes out. It is not about painting “well”. It is about opening yourself to paint. To express yourself through colors and shapes. To give yourself the opportunity.

The painting workshop lasts between two hours but can be extended to three hours.

We start walking outside, in nature (weather permitting). We see details such as the play of shadows and lights, so magical when we talk about trees, wind and movements. We see textures, unusual formations. We look closely at the bark of the trees, and touch the softness of the petals: we witness the dry rigidity of what has died, and we contemplate, sometimes in absolute amazement, the contrast of something that is just being born.

And yes, of course, we see contrasts! We see colors, the differences, the similarities, what moves us, what makes us go into silence. We go around individually just looking at shapes, maybe even photographing the ones that call to us the most. We contemplate the macro, and how we perceive the world in 3D.

Observation is transcendent to understand that shapes are easier to imitate than we think and, on the other hand, it allows us to let our imagination run free in dimensions in which we do not move much.

In the second part, we return to the studio where, in principle, we review materials, and I give some technical directions:

  • Color mixtures to achieve shades
  • Brushes and their different uses
  • The use of rags, wet brush, dry brush, etc.
  • The direction of the shadows
  • Texture formation
  • Transcendent details

 

I usually work with primary colors, black and white.

We start painting on paper (if possible recyclable) and with acrylics.

This first part is more for testing, experimenting with brushes and their shapes, colors and their combinations, shapes, definitions, strokes. We test, and experiment.

It goes a little bit towards letting go of the expectations we had about the experience and facing our true feelings, which can often be uncomfortable and frustrating. And that’s exactly where the adventure begins!

When we realize that the image we have of ourselves painting and the experience of painting are not the same, we often dismiss ourselves as artists. We surrender to the “reality” that no, we are not as talented as we would have liked to think.

And yet! It turns out we do. We just have to give ourselves the gift of patience with ourselves.

We went on then. Already frustrated, already angry because it wasn’t so pretty.

That’s when I challenge you to let go of your expectations. To let go of what you imagined and let yourself be carried away by the brushes and the colors.

When we let go of the image we had of ourselves, we allow ourselves the luxury of freedom without compromise. You are what you are. You do what you do. You let yourself be carried away by the music, the conversation, the laughter, what you see, what you feel.

We move on to the canva

When you finally face the canva, that menacing white canvas that challenges you to turn it into something meaningful, you can answer it, painting over it, doing whatever you want. Saying every three seconds “What if …”  and challenging the colors to give you the result of the experiment. You discover the shape, the color, the texture; and in them you discover yourself.

We don’t pat ourselves on the back and tell each other we’ll do better next time. We just get our heads down on the canvas. It doesn’t matter if we don’t get it right. It’s about doing it, experiencing yourself as an artist and seeing what happens!

In my experience, when you let go of what you “should” and do what you “want” on the canvas, interesting things come out from underneath, you are surprised by yourself, by what you didn’t know. And it is that art often guides you to see a little bit beyond the image and to find yourself, how you see yourself and how you express yourself.

If you want to experience it, send me a message to +506-88615261 or to o.arteypaz@gmail.com.

Self Empowerment from a free spirit point of view

Self Empowerment

Personal Empowerment, from where I see it has to do with self-awareness, confidence, a sense of purpose, mindfulness capacity, and positive relations.

Confidence | Self Empowerment

Anyone who knows me can attest that I’ve experienced some major up and downs and rounds and rounds. I am a single mother of five, from four different fathers, and I was a freelance tour guide throughout their childhood.  That alone tells you about self-empowerment.

Not only the fact that I’ve lived my life outside of the conventional paths, but I also kept on being independent and pursuing my passion, even with the toughest of responsibilities.

I know about self-empowerment… Else I wouldn’t have survived decades of continuous emotional chaos and terrible mental stress.

I wanted to be responsible with the children, but I also wanted to travel. I wanted to travel but then again, in order to do it, I took on the needs and desires of my passengers on tour.

I wanted to take on my compromises, but a major part of my responsibility, according to my inner core values is to be happy and free.

It was a conundrum, that up till today, I have no idea how to manage. Be happy and free, but responsible and compromised. It sounds like an oxymoron.

The aftermath is as chaotic as the epic tale itself:

I lost my complete inheritance in the process and probably made tons of mistakes in the raising of my children (That is another blog on its own), I became an expert at hurting myself and ended up shielding myself from romance not to lose my mind. However, I’ve lived. Truly, intensely, and grossly at times. But whatever I did, and whatever I do, up until today, comes from a deep unfathomable confidence in myself.

So, I want to write a little about Self Empowerment, because although it has been one of my biggest challenges, it has also been the stepping stone I’ve used for any endeavors.

Self Awareness:

Kissing oneself | Self Empowerment
Kissing oneself | Self Empowerment

Self-empowerment begins with self-awareness. It’s about understanding who I am, what I believe in, and what motivates me. As I’ve grown older, I’ve taken the time to reflect on my life experiences and identify patterns in my thinking and behavior. This introspection has given me a deeper understanding of myself and has allowed me to make more informed and authentic decisions about my life.

Read more on self-awareness here. 

Understand and accept my emotions

Another important aspect of self-empowerment is understanding and managing my emotions. I’ve learned that when I understand my emotional triggers, I can make more conscious choices about how I respond to them, rather than allowing my emotions to control me.

Confidence | Self Empowerment

This has made me more emotionally stable and resilient and has reduced stress and anxiety in my life.

Communication Skills

I’ve also found that self-empowerment allows me to communicate more effectively with others. By understanding my own thoughts and feelings, I’m better equipped to articulate my needs and perspectives, which has led to more productive and fulfilling relationships.

Additionally, I’m more confident in my abilities and less likely to seek validation from others, which has allowed me to build stronger relationships based on mutual respect and trust.

Sense of Purpose

Furthermore, self-empowerment has allowed me to pursue my passions and interests with greater purpose and determination.

I’ve learned to set goals that align with my values and aspirations, and I have the confidence to pursue these goals with passion and dedication. This has led to a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in my life.

Self-Acceptance

Lastly, self-empowerment has helped me to be more accepting and compassionate toward myself. I’ve learned to extend grace and forgiveness to myself, rather than constantly seeking perfection. This has cultivated a greater sense of self-love and self-acceptance, which is essential for overall well-being and happiness.

To wrap it up

In conclusion, self-empowerment has had a profound impact on my life. It has allowed me to overcome challenges, build stronger relationships, pursue my passions, and cultivate self-love and self-acceptance. I would encourage anyone, regardless of age, to invest time and effort into self-empowerment, as it has the potential to greatly enhance one’s life and overall well-being.

 

The Allure of Monteverde

As a naturalist tour guide in Costa Rica and as the nomad I am, I’ve lived in several different places in and out of my country. There is nothing like Monteverde. It is as simple as that. At least not for me. 

This post appeared first in https://blog.ocoteahotel.com/whats-the-allure-of-monteverde

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Up in the Tilarán Mountain Range, Monteverde is a small community that extends for 11 kilometers from one tip to the other. It has several cloud forest reserves, and it has also developed an exciting adventure hub, with outdoor activities along with several restaurants and pubs.

For decades, I have enjoyed the reserves in both tourist and non-tourist seasons. Whether leading large groups or walking with individual tourists, I have walked the cloud forest trails countless times.  throughout three decades working in the travel industry, and every time I leave, I feel a longing in my heart, looking at the treetops moving with the wet winds. The wave-like sounds of the forests call me from a distance.

Like other lovers of the forest, I tend to be a free spirit. When locked in for some time, I begin losing my joy. When the pandemic started, I returned from an extended stay in Mexico City, and, for a change, I decided to move to Monteverde. There were two simple reasons: my daughter lived here, her apartment was vacant and relatively affordable, and I could take walks through beautiful natural habitats without fear of getting ill (pandemic times).

Little did I know that my heart would be planted as a seed in the forests of this breathtaking place.

Monteverde is alluring for a world of reasons: diverse, stunning natural beauty, delicious food, a spirit of sustainability….

And as it is a beautiful cocktail of all these features, I’ll do my best to share with you a little taste of each one..

Monteverde Canopy view, Costa Rica

The Natural Beauty of Monteverde

Monteverde is a gorgeous place. No doubt about it. Wherever you look, there is a picture to take. I could even say it is designed to be photographed.

Its fantastic weather intensifies that beauty. In the mornings, you can see the faraway ocean landscapes and the breeze moving the trees. In the afternoons, it turns dramatic.  Depending on the season, you may get to watch distant thunderstorms or marvel at the watercolor sky.

And its name couldn’t be more accurate. In Monteverde, you can spend a lifetime counting shades of green.

To accentuate the range of greens is a rainbow of bright reds and yellows in its flowers and birds. And quite often, you will get a glimpse of the iridescent blue morpho fluttering around. My favorites are the days when the sunny season merges in with the Caribbean gusts blowing through the mountains, and there is a rainbow almost wherever you look.

When walking through Monteverde, I often stop every few paces to take in different landscapes, try to spot a casual rare and pretty bird, or catch sight of the surreal, moving clouds in the sky.

But its external beauty is only the visible symbol of what lies beneath. The true magnificence of Monteverde lies deep within, hidden like a treasure to be found.

 

sense of freedom, nature

The Quaker Culture

Monteverde has existed since the 1920s as a tiny village with a few families struggling to live in a very remote area of Costa Rica, some of them working the land, some of them at the nearby gold mines.

When Quakers came in the 1950s, their presence changed this little community forever, not only for the inhabitants of this region but for generations to come and throughout the world.

In 1951, eleven Quaker families arrived in Monteverde. They chose Costa Rica because the country abolished its army amid the early Cold War. They were looking for a home welcoming conscientious objectors as they refused to participate in the Korean war due to their pacifist views.

Quakers around the World work actively to make this a better world. They are mainly concerned with human rights and believe in the equality of all human beings, social justice, peace, freedom of conscience, and environmental issues. Quakers seek to live simply to reduce the burden on the World and community life and found a welcoming country in Costa Rica. (1)

When you walk through Monteverde, you see these values everywhere. You will notice among the locals’ everyone says hi to you as a visitor. Between them, you will also notice children playing in the plazas -even singing riddles and nursery rhymes! You will undoubtedly notice a sustainability movement that goes from the garbage collection to the number of artisanal products offered in the stores.

Quakers preserved the Monteverde Cloud Forest as a water source, but more importantly, they taught the coming generations to preserve the rest of the forests in the area.

The Community of Monteverde

As I said previously, the first thing that may call your attention as you walk in Monteverde is how everybody says hi. Not because you are a visitor, but because you are a human. The Monteverde community values people.

With around 5000 people, Monteverde is flooded with a floating population of younger citizens who work every year in different hotels and tourist attractions. Nowadays, there is also a remote workers population coming to live in the region from all over the country. And, of course, 250,000 visitors a year fill its trails, hotels, and restaurants.

However, Monteverde gets a very particular kind of visitor. We usually don’t get the loud party-goers, and it’ll be extremely unlucky if you find a group of spring breakers making noise anywhere. The people who come to Monteverde are usually nature lovers who enjoy adventure, hiking, and bird watching.

The community is a loving mix of original Monteverde, Quaker families, and many expats that decided that Monteverde is a great place to retire and live a healthy, peaceful life.

Throughout, a vital spirit of service and community drives the town.

In 2010, the residents created the Monteverde Community Fund. To date, the Fund has financed projects in economic, social, and environmental sectors and trained and supported the teams behind them. They support an array of efforts valued by neighbors and stakeholders–from municipal wastewater treatment to reforestation projects to movement and exercise programs.

Since 2012, the Monteverde Community Fund supported 16 grassroots projects and organizations, leveraged more than $80,000 in small grants, and connected Monteverde organizations with ample funding sources and relevant expertise. (2)

This is a place where the inhabitants support each other in many ways, whether they are old or young, elderly citizens or mothers with children, artists and dreamers, and conservationists… all are welcome here.

Exercise outdoors, healt

Delicious Food!

Monteverde has a population of 5,000 people. Here you don’t find Ubereats. You won’t find a single Mcdonald’s or KFC. Not one single fast-food renowned brand. But there are so many options to eat it is almost ridiculous! And some of these restaurants offer so many different choices!

In Monteverde, you will find Mexican and Peruvian distinctive cuisine, several breweries, delicious burgers and fried chicken, sushi and oriental eateries, excellent steak houses, and delicious typical Costa Rican food cooked by the grandmas of Monteverde.

Ingredients are very fresh, either because of the multiple organic nurseries in the region or because we are only an hour and a half from the port of Puntarenas, the fishing gateway of Costa Rica.

And you can even download an App “Monteverde En Casa” to order some of these wonders for your room in the Ocotea Hotel.

Sustainability in Monteverde

In Monteverde, environmental efforts abound. This is a place where conservation and “ecotourism” have enabled an innovative development model centered on the collaborative efforts of commercial businesses, government agencies, and foreign partners.

In fact, Monteverde has become a model that leads the Costa Rican environmental patterns.

With support from the Costa Rican Tourism Board (ICT) and the Culture Ministry (MCJ), the region plan for its continued growth include some of the following developments as a way to become a symbol of genuinely sustainable ecotourism:

  • Hiking: Extend, improve, and grow the neighboring San Luis community’s trail network. These are all part of the Pacific Slope Trail system (3).
  • Training: Provide high-level training to tour guides and environmental educators that will enable them to instruct and stimulate visitors.
  • Parking: Build a parking lot in downtown Santa Elena to relieve traffic congestion.
  • Regulating: Conduct technological and legal research to create norms for appropriately regulating some sectors of growth.
  • Conserving: Create a complete sanitation system centered on recovering resources such as water, energy, and nutrients for local consumption.

Together, these efforts protect one of the most precious resources of Monteverde…

Waterfall

The Nature of Monteverde

Last but never least! Monteverde’s rich ecosystems are one of the most privileged sights in the world. With a richness that can fill your senses at every step, the breathtaking cloud forests are a scenario to stop and behold.

Biodiversity is an inherent feature of the Monteverde Cloud Forest. It is estimated that this area has approximately 50% of Costa Rica’s biodiversity, which is an astonishing 2.5% of the entire World’s biodiversity.

Flora

More than 3,200 plant species have been discovered in Monteverde. This is nearly as many plant species as there are in the entire country of Canada. The high humidity levels and dark understory are critical factors for the emergence of epiphytes (such as bromeliads or orchids). Monteverde also has around 700 tree species and 500 orchid species, making it one of the most orchid-rich regions on the planet.

Rainforest, Costa Rica

Monteverde

In all, about 10% of the plant species in Monteverde are endemic, which means that they are found nowhere else in the world. A truly special place to visit indeed, and this region has diverse species to match!

Forest trails, Costa Rica

Fauna

Monteverde is also home to 425 bird species, 120 mammal species, 60 amphibian species, and 101 reptile species. A total of 658 butterfly species and 100 dragonfly and damselfly species have been identified.

And there is still much to discover! Other insects, fungi, and microbes have not been as thoroughly researched, and speak to a world still somewhat undiscovered.

Frog, Costa Rica

Where to See This Astonishing Nature

There are several different clouds and rainforest preserves in the area, but the most important are:

The Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve

The Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve began in 1972 with 810 acres (328 hectares) of forested area. It now protects 35,089 acres (14,200 ha) and eight living zones atop the Continental Divide.

It is home to around 100 mammalian species, 400 bird species, and 1,200 amphibian and reptile species. As well as the threatened three-wattled bellbird and the gorgeous resplendent quetzal, this is one of the few places left that supports all six cat species: jaguars, ocelots, pumas, oncillas, margays. Visitors can explore over 8 miles (13 km) of trails independently or with a guide.

Santa Elena Cloud Forest Reserve

The Santa Elena Cloud Forest Reserve was founded in 1989 and is run by the Santa Elena community. It was one of the country’s earliest community-controlled reserves, and it’s a great example of what people can accomplish to protect and learn from their local environment.

It has a similar plant and animal diversity as the Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve, but it also features spider monkeys, which the Monteverde Reserve does not have. Atop its 765 acres (310 ha), an observation tower offers spectacular views of the Arenal Volcano on clear days.

El Bosque Eterno de los Niños

The “Children’s Eternal Rainforest” has particular importance to the Monteverde community. The Monteverde Conservation League (MCL) started this protected area by gathering funds from Swedish school pupils to buy (and conserve) vulnerable wilderness. The Children’s Eternal Rainforest now covers 55,600 acres(22,500 ha), thanks to partners in over 40 nations.

Morpho butterfly, Costa Rica

We Invite You to Join Us

It is hard to encompass all the wonders of Monteverde in one solid post, especially due to some of the powerful feelings you find as soon as you set foot here.

I hope to share a bit of the feeling of joy, safety, and belonging that happens when you live here. Some people say that Monteverde is a mystical healing place. Mystical or not,  I know that hiking through its intense trail network or simply sitting to sip hot tea calms the senses and the mind and reconciles you with everything.

I feel very thankful and privileged to live in Monteverde and hope to stay here for the rest of my days. No matter how far away I travel, I will return home to Monteverde.

Our community invites you to open your heart to the essence of Monteverde and share our delight in its fascinating nature. Contemplate its astounding, diverse ecosystems with us and perhaps share our vision of Monteverde as a possibility for a better world. It is a community and a place that tells us that it is possible to achieve a warm human community in harmony with nature and each other.

Monteverde reminds us that as long as we join efforts, our Earth and humanity can thrive in almost every situation with a wink and a smile.

References:

(1) N.a. “BBC – Religions – Christianity: Quakers.” Bbc.co.uk. 3 Jul. 2009. Web. 25 Oct. 2021. https://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/subdivisions/quakers_1.shtml

(2) Monteverde Fund. “Our Story | Monteverde Community Fund.” Monteverde Fund. n.d. Web. 26 Oct. 2021. https://www.Monteverdefund.org/our-story

(3) The Costa Rica Pacific Slope Pacific Slope Trail Network is a vision to link forests and rural communities along Costa Rica’s Pacific Slope. It begins in the famous Monteverde conservation region. It will encompass a network of trail systems, huts, conservation properties, ecological agriculture initiatives, alternative energy, and wastewater treatment and water conservation projects. SAN LUIS DE Monteverde. “Pacific Trail | SAN LUIS DE Monteverde.” SAN LUIS DE Monteverde. n.d. Web. 26 Oct. 2021. <http://sanluis.or.cr/en/pacific-trail/>

This article was published first in: https://blog.ocoteahotel.com/whats-the-allure-of-monteverde

 

Silence, the ultimate frontier.

Speech eventually has nothing more to tell us: we investigate the silence, for it is the silence that is doing the speaking ~Pierre Macherey.

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I am not a religious person. My mother would take me to the movies instead of mass. And I was very happy about it.

However, since an early age, I have been struggling with the same common thing that has had entire civilizations on their knees:  The human silence within. A realm that lives there, innocent, impartial, unexplained. So subtle and transcending humans have created huge systems to explain it, humongous external buildings and art that promise us to take us there, into the Supreme Silence. Sometimes successfully, sometimes they merely take us to \”Our Version of…\” as drugs do sometimes. And even sex.

We don\’t even know we crave silence. Silence these days have a strong relation with boredom, and even worse, a cemetery, death.

However, the Supreme Silence, when we find it, either in awe, in love, or in meditation, far from being a grave, gives us an unexplainable sensation of deep understanding, of unfathomable company. Hard to define the undefinable.

And this fantastic quote that I found yesterday in the most unexpected place, gave me a hint about my resistance to the “sacred wording” in ACIM and the word itself: God.

Speech eventually has nothing more to tell us: we investigate the silence, for it is the silence that is doing the speaking ~Pierre Macherey.

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It is all about meanings. Isn’t it?

We give “God” such a heavy meaning that it crashes us even with three miserable letters. Four in Spanish. Actually, in most languages in the World, divinity is described in a short word. Especially in the monotheistic religions. You can see the whole collection here: https://www.indifferentlanguages.com/words/god

It is all about the meaning. Of course.

I have given all the meaning to those three letters put together in that order.

This small word has put emperors and geniuses to their knees. All throughout space and time.

If their egos were put to the test, how can mine not be crushed under millennia of conditions and laws around it?  How can we, in our temporary small identities and time-encased bodies not be threatened by the one thing we can’t avoid ever?: Silence.

Silence makes everything possible in the mind. Makes the perception of time, not to crush all under one sole moment: If music didn\’t have silence, it would be one big mess. It is in Silence where we find our Real mirror and not our projections. In Silence, we find focus, attention, relaxation, rest.

From where I stand, being a student of ACIM for decades already, it addresses a mystery that religions put outside making the infinite fit into human codes and small thoughts.

We have given that Mystery a meaning. A meaning so strong that it has created reactions of all sorts, the most common looking out, either to explain it, or to deny it.

Probably both reactions are the same: utter fear.

Utter fear to what we cannot explain, define or understand. Utter fear to what we are afraid we truly are. 

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In the East, they knew it a long time ago. In the West, science for the first time made an experiment and could finally see an important character in the play of perception… “OMG! There is a perceiver!”.

The idea of the perceiver, the unknown observer is the ultimate frontier. The one that is there to set us free. The last door to the ignored but ever-present Silence within.

The one that doesn’t follow the rules. Any rules.

The unperceivable perceiver.

That which perceives the perceiver but is itself unperceivable

The one we are behind all our names, labels, and masks, without time, age, or gender.

Serious meditation knows it. Anyone who enjoys solitude knows it.

There is something about it. There is a beautiful sensation in the Presence. A belonging sensation that doesn’t react to the “outdoors”. Not even a perception, it is so subtle I could only call it an experience of it.

If we get the word \”god\” out of perception and look at the Silence within. If we get the letters “G. O. and D.” out of all meaning and shape.

Blow the meanings, all the meanings. And just stay there. In the Content we are. Shapeless, ageless, timeless, spaceless.

We are not identities, we are not “beings”. We are the shapeless experience of life itself.

We are Silence. 

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Thank you for reading.

Walk By Yourself in the Monteverde Cloud Forest at Least Once

Monteverde is home to some of the most stunning cloud forest reserves in the world. From the Curicancha Reserve to the Monteverde Cloud Forest Reserve, each offers unique trails teeming with diverse wildlife and breathtaking views. These reserves are designed for exploration, allowing you to wander at your own pace and truly connect with nature. Whether you’re an experienced hiker or a first-timer, walking alone in this magical environment will leave you with unforgettable memories and a newfound appreciation for solitude

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O. an identity created to fly

For many years I was afraid of shinning and afraid of not shinning… Like everyone else, I guess. However, my personality is quite strong, and it is hard for me to keep a low profile. So, in this pendulum of fears, I repressed myself very much when I felt I was shinning too much.

It is not about modesty. Please don\’t take it wrong. I am not that humble (I wish!)

I just don\’t want the responsibility. Shinning is way too much work! You have to create a subject that lives that verb! An identity that experiences the spotlight. And this subject/persona has to be coherent to whatever thoughts and words it said to keep on shinning. You have to have a compromise with ideas and behaviours. You have to be predictable in that commitment.

I really don\’t want that responsibility. I really don\’t care about paying that price.  I don\’t want to live pleasing that identity and terrified if someone discovers I am not really only \”that\”.

Hence I run away from talking about loud some of my views about life and why or how I live the way I live.

But then, I know that many people, especially women, don\’t know they can live the way they really want to live.

I believe I\’ve come to live a very good life, full of love and freedom. And even though I don\’t think there is a recipe for this, I also think that there might be ideas that can help whoever is reading this to see things in another way.

Volunteers, not martyrs.

We are all tied up in many things. Relations, properties, jobs, beliefs, comfort ideas, fears, and many more things will grant that you are meant to be the one identity you believe yourself to be: The responsible one. The one that stays that pleases and is there, no matter what. The martyr.

But let\’s be honest, in this play that life seems to be at times there are no martyrs, only volunteers.

We volunteer for these roles and believe that we are their slaves. We are not.

We are what we are doing and living right now. If you think you are not it, it may be a good idea to start looking within and do as Socrates preached: Know Thyself.

I raised five children from four different fathers.  Mostly all the time, they stayed with me. Sometimes they didn\’t.

I really thought I didn\’t want to be a mother. I created a whole drama thinking this. I suffered a lot, imagining that I was the slave of my situation. I wasn\’t. It made me feel terribly guilty to think I did not like being a mother, hence, I thought I was a bad mother.

I was a good mother, and I enjoyed it. Very much actually.   My kids didn\’t have the most comfortable or normal life or the happiest for that matter, but they had love, freedom and were taught to question and think creatively. And now live pretty satisfying lives as adults.

I enjoyed being a mother, but I guess I enjoyed more the identity of the martyr raising five children by herself.

I was a volunteer. As hard as it may sound, if I really didn\’t want to be there for them, I could have done many things. And I did, in fact.

I worked as a tour guide; thus, I left them in the care of different people quite often. Sometimes for long periods. Sometimes, I was too depressed to care after them; but I never lost contact, ever. I was never indifferent to their needs or wellness. I wanted to be their mother, and I was.

I was a volunteer to be a responsible loving mother.

My whole drama came from believing that I was a martyr. Because I thought I wanted to be a travelling adventurer.

The interesting thing is that now, I have that identity: The persona I wanted to be for many years.

So, bear with me, volunteering mothers of the World!

I created it actually. 🙂

Creating identities

We can create a new identity whenever the hell we want! Simply because we want to. Period.

We create identities with each thought. We believe we are what we believe others think about us. We believe we have to be \”that\” or \”this\”.   We take our beliefs and turn them into our army and navy and allow them to defend this created identity we believe we are.

The fact is that we can be whoever we want to be. And don\’t even need the beliefs to defend that identity. Identities are passing shadows, none… NONE cares enough to look at your identity even with mild interest.

If you are interested in this article about my identity is simply because of what it can say to you. It is interesting as a mirror of what you think you believe. Not because my life is important to you… And this includes, yes, my friends and families as readers.

We are walking mirrors and we spend our lives looking at mirrors.

 Your \”identity\”, the image you have about yourself, is ONLY important for you.

And as we can\’t help but having an identity while we believe in time/space, I created this persona that is very useful to what I want to live for the next few years: O.

O. 

O. is an identity created to fly. As lightly as possible, as easy as can be.

O. is the result of questioning an infinite load of thoughts, intense emotions, and fierce sensations.

As O. I am a free-flying feather, nomad, a writer, a mother, a friend, a lover, a slave, a dictator, a painter, a bohemian, a stand-up comedian, a slut, a poet, a dreamer, a teacher, a sexy snake, a water drop, a romance online, a leaf on a tree, the calcium cycle and a moving picture.

So, for now, I chose to be simply O. An O that looks like a zero. The dot goes wherever I please to put it if I want to put it.

Right now, I have no history. No place to live. No direction.   I am a feather flying in a storm.  Or what looks like a storm.

Ever the Wanderer

That is the one trait that has remained, from one identity to the next: The wanderer.

So, this time I decided to embrace it fully and live my wandering in Peace.

I was always a wanderer. I did it when I was a very small child. I would start walking, and walking… and get lost in the feeling of wandering by myself. Wandering was my escape, my route out of everything.

I tried very hard throughout life not to be a wanderer. I anchored myself with as many responsibilities as I could. Still wandered my way out of them.

Never mind how good or bad is a place, a lover or a situation, I will wander out of it.  And I may come back, like a wave, to go away again.

I am not sedentary. I am not permanent. I am a wanderer.

Yet, I\’ve managed to keep quite constant relations for decades. I have strong bonds with my children and friends. But they all know I will disappear from time to time. They love and accept that in me. They know my love cannot be tied up.

I let myself wander through life now. It is the verb I am playing. It is uncertain and it can surely be uncomfortable but I am fascinated by it.

There may be a day in my future where I will stop wandering and get a permanent house, a vase to go with it and a lifestyle that requires the personality of a more permanent person. This is not the time.

I am a wanderer. I am free.

That is what this blog is about. That is what my life now is about.

I don\’t care if you believe what I say. And I am not saying is the best way to live or the happiest. But in the square foot that I live on, is the one that I like the most.

What is yours? Are you living it?

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